I Must Not Understand

So I keep reading about "The Big Chop" that all the cool brides get after the wedding is all said and done. What's the deal with this?!?! I don't get it.

Correction: I didn't get it.

I get it now....

...now that my ends look like this:

Yay! Split ends galore! Source.

and is full of little knots like this:

This is a single strand of hair, gloriously knotted upon itself. Some call them Fairy Knots, I call them *insert expletive here*. Source.

and in the morning, when I look in the mirror and see my hair all over the place, I tend to make this face:

Hair despair. Where is my personal hair stylist when I need them? Oh, right. I'm not rich. Source.

The backstory goes like this:

I have no idea what I want to do with my hair for the wedding but what I do know is that I want it to look awesome and classy and classic and unique and also frame my big round face well. Oh, not to mention, I don't want it to look like it did in my senior prom photos.

So how do I achieve all of that italicized goodness with my hair? No clue. I'm sure it has to involve copious amounts of professional grade hair product, patience, faith, and some damned good styling tools. Hell, not to mention one hell of a talented hair wrangler.

I feel like I'm in trouble.

Big Question: How do I (an italicized I is a way to better convey my cluelessness) actually get started on all this?

Simple Answer: Go on hair hiatus.

Next Question: WTF does that mean?

Explanatory Answer: I do not cut, color, or meaningfully style my hair until the morning of my wedding.

Confused Follow Up Question: Doesn't that mean that your hair will look... um, interesting in the meantime?

Confident Answer: Of course!

So, naturally, I have steeled myself for this:

Just to remind you if you forgot already. Source.

But of course, this all relates to The Big Chop because the only way to really repair split ends is by cutting them off. So now it all makes sense to me. If you go on hair hiatus you will invariably have a nest of split ends on your head that will progressively get worse with time. Thus, after your wedding day professional hair mask has been removed and you return to Earth as a normal person again you will need to cut off the icky hair nest.

I get it now and can't f*ing wait until I can BIG CHOP too.