Must Have An Awesome Photographer

I have to say that one of the best parts of our wedding was the photographer. I was super excited about her from the start. Once I found her, I had to have her. If you recall, she was the one who did Barbie and Ken's REAL French Wedding (I wrote raved about her work here). Béatrice De Guigné is awesome, we loved working with her.

And I have to say, her blog post about our wedding is pretty awesome too. You can check it out here.

I am absolutely loving checking out these photos over and over again. Our wedding was so great!

Happy First Anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. Fox!

One year ago today, Mr. Fox and then Miss D, stood in front of a civil officier of Amilly, Centre, France in the most adorable salle des mariages to say "Oui, je le veux"(Yes, I want this) in the presence of their families and one best friend.

Serious faces for serious words.

All smiles, promises made and accepted. Uncle A clearly approves.

Proudly, the new Mr. and Mrs. Fox. My proud Mommy beaming in the background.

This year has been full of so many joys and challenges and adventures! I'm still so happy that Mr. Fox threw his hat in the ring and never once relented. Here's to one absolutely wonderful year and the hopes of many, many more to come.

Still very much in love, yours truly.

Love and happiness.

You Must Have An Aggressive Agenda

This week we're back in France filing paperwork for my carte de sejour, the French equivalent of a green card. While we're here, we've got a whole list of lovely errands to run... and of course, the list is growing. The good thing is, if everything goes off as well as the paperwork submission did (thank goodness! It was smooth like spreading peanut butter on a good, thick bread), we'll be super prepared for October 13: Jour-J, like the French call it.

I did realize that time is sliding by quite quickly. We're now past the 2 month mark. The RSVPs are trickling in, my dress is in the hands of the seamstress, I'm all reserved up for my trip back to the US for bridesmaid dress fittings, and I'm starting to get excited. All is going well.

You Must Have a Religious Ceremony Revelation

We are having a Catholic wedding ceremony this time around. It requires a lot of stuff, one of them being "marriage preparation" which amounts to several meetings with a priest to read this little book containing a collection of scriptures applying to marriage and love and discussing them.

The little book. They've even got a website! Source.

At first, I was sure it would be nothing more than an interesting exercise where I would be forced to lie a bit lot about my stance pertaining to my practice of the Catholic religion in my every day life and future since I am completely non-practicing.

I was only half wrong.

Interestingly enough, the little book offers some really (surprisingly) good advice for married people (or actually any people whom are coupled off). It says things (in the discussions) that are real to life and reminiscent of not only someone married but also someone happily married for many years who is probably also some sort of successful professional marriage counselor. In actuality, it's written by a priest.

So our challenge with this planning this stuff was initially in which language to do it. At that time, my French was limited to niceties and adjectives, my German was (and still is) limited to food shopping, ordering and preparation, but my English is pretty strong. Our visit to the presbytère of Montargis provided us with a preview of their super organized and well-planned preparation program in French. Unfortunately, I didn't understand much. Double unfortunately, we'd be hard pressed to make it back to France for several weekends in a row. So we had to find another option. Options remaining: prepare in Greifswald in German (nearly impossible for it to be useful to both of us) or hope we have good luck and find somewhere in Berlin or Hamburg with an English program.

Somehow luck was on our side.

Mr. Fox found the English-Speaking Roman Catholic Mission in Berlin that was not only quick to respond to our inquiry but also fantastically accommodating, flexible, and just overall super.

Our priest seems to be pretty with it. We haven't had to lie... much. (But of course on the subject of birth control usage we had to fib. Who is really diligent enough to do natural family planning?!?!) But in spite of the with-it-ness of our priest, he tends to say these not-with-it things like "women tend to be unable to make decisions when they are emotionally charged (not totally wrong thought this does not only pertain to women) so in these cases you should leave it to your husband to decide." I don't completely disagree. In general, this is not bad counsel. However, you must know that these comments were made within the context of discussing the wedding preparations. Sadly, all of these are emotional decisions and if I left them up to Mr. Fox we'd be having a shoeless backyard kegger with fancy food. (Okay maybe not quite to that extremity, but I'm sure I'm close...)

Another example of the not-with-it-ness is when we read a scripture about how a wife with "governed speech" is a super thing for a man to have (Sirach 26:1-4, 13-16). So after reading this one, he asks us what we think the definition of "governed speech" is.

Me: (confidently) A woman with some education in how to handle herself appropriately in all situations and does.

Mr. Fox: (cautiously) A woman who never is embarrassing because she

The Priest: (basically, but not exactly) A woman who knows her place.

Me: (trying hard not to rebut or make faces) Ah.

Of course I expect stuff like this. He's a Catholic priest (and a pretty old one at that). So needless to say, though these things go off well, and we tend to have some (unexpectedly) awesome and down-to-earth conversations, Mr. Fox has come away with some niftily annoying soundbites that he can deploy whenever he feels like exercising his a**hole muscle.

Me: (discussing *fill in the blank* about the wedding) I can't decide between X, Y and Z. Maybe W or V or ...

Mr. Fox: (a*hole in full tilt and chuckling like a naughty child) Remember what the priest said! When you can't make a decision you have to listen to me!

Me: *sarcastic eyeroll*

Who knew scripture could be so fun?

You Must Have A Ring Story

As Sheryl Crow puts it, "diamond ring don't mean a thing" and for a long time I felt the same way. Diamond rings are no big deal.

That was until I actually had marriage on the mind as a real possibility. That's when diamond ring became a bit of an obsession.

And of course, I panicked.

I mean what kind of ring did I want? I'm not accustomed to wearing rings. What will I ever do with something so expensive on my finger? I can't fathom having someone spend so much on something so small. Would I ever be able to put my left hand in my pocket again? I'm going to have to put everything in my right pocket from then on.

So I made the practical decision to look for something not too big, not too small, pretty flat as to facilitate pocket digging, and not too pricey. And then I had to wait for Mr. Fox.

You see, Mr. Fox was scared to buy intimidated by the idea of buying the ring on his own and surprising me. He knows I am particular. He wanted me to be happy and satisfied. (*big smile*)

So I took this to mean that I had to hunt down my own ring and present him with options on how to buy. I was unfazed by this idea. Actually, me, the lover of control, decided that this was the opportune way to ensure I got something I really wanted, sans dramatic Carrie response (like I talked about here). So I went on an internet hunt to some of my favorite jewelry sites like the Shane Company (a throwback from home), Blue Nile, and pretty much anywhere else the random internet search turned up. After my study of the 4 Cs, I figured the easiest (and most cost effective) way to get what I wanted was to find a setting and then pick a diamond. I presented my findings to Mr. Fox.

But Mr. Fox still refused to make the purchase on his own. He wanted guidance. What this meant was that we spent an entire Saturday afternoon screen sharing over Skype. Yet, even after the lengthy discussion over price and value and investment and blah, blah, blah, Mr. Fox still refused to take the plunge and buy the surprise ring.

So we compromised. (Compromise: (n.) the key to successful relationships; almost like getting what you want)

Our Compromise: Mr. Fox was coming to visit a few weeks later where we would be attending a conference together in Chicago. We'd have a few days in NJ before and after the trip, thus we could fit in the ring shopping. Plan made!

Now that we had a plan of action, I decided to take a peek at a shop in the local mall, preparing for Mr. Fox's visit and impending ring purchase. I found this ring:

I thought I had found "the one". Source.

I tried it on and fell into immediate infatuation. It was so sparkly!!! It looked so lovely on my pinky finger!!! It wasn't terribly expensive...

I was so infatuated that I basically put a hold on the ring with the pushy sales woman and told her that I would return with Mr. Fox later that week to rescue my infatuation and make it mine.

So when Mr. Fox arrived later that week, we promptly went to the mall for a whirlwind shopping trip hitting 4 different jewelry stores, saving "the one" for last.

It was educational, to say the least.

In the first store, we were entertained by a lovely lady who turned Mr. Fox on to the idea of the solitaire. Interestingly enough, I really had very few concrete criteria going in to all of this and NO SOLITAIRES was one of them. So having Mr. Fox being so interested in such was a bit of a nightmare at first.

However, when that guy has an idea that has sound reason behind it he can be really persuasive. His newly discovered idea was this:

"If you are buying a diamond, why hide it with a lot of other diamonds? The reason a diamond is so beautiful is because of the way the light reflects inside of it. If you put many lesser quality diamonds around it you are essentially wasting money because you do not actually get to experience the quality of the largest and most expensive diamond."

That crap makes sense.

So somehow I found myself agreeing with this guy and going along on the great solitaire hunt.

But we still had not yet visited the jeweler where I had placed "the one" on hold. I saved her for last. Yet, after hearing all the hype, when Mr. Fox finally saw "the one" his only real response was a damning, "it's not you."

I was crushed.

Strangely, when I had that little sparkly on my pinky finger again, I had also felt the same way. My infatuation was gone.

So after some hurt feelings (not mine) and Mr. Fox getting to practice his fantastic ability to unapologetically say "No" to anyone, we left, exhausted and ringless.

But then along came Chicago and their lovely Diamond Row. However, the problem was that we were pretty unexcited about ring shopping again. We were tired of pushy sales people and not finding something that really fit the bill. I conducted another internet search trying to find a store on The Row worth visiting. Neither of us had any desire to schlepp up and down some long street peeking in every shop with diamond rings in the window.

My search turned up something that looked like a gem. I was a bit skeptical of it at first due to the uninspired name of Wedding Bands & Co. but there were just too many great reviews to ignore. Additionally, they are an actual jeweler and design their own jewelry and creativity turns me on. So we reluctantly dragged ourselves over to the shop in question.


We were greeted by a lovely salesman named Victor. He was friendly and stylish, clearly knew his stuff, and made us quite comfortable. Big plus: he was not at all pushy. 


So we did it: we made the BIG purchase! Our fantastic experience with Victor, plus the lovely settings and assortment of stones that he showed us helped Mr. Fox to find that ring that is uniquely me (that he would later use to torment me for several days like I wrote about here).


I couldn't be happier. (*big smile*)

Mr. Fox's tangible gift of love.

I Must Not Understand

So I keep reading about "The Big Chop" that all the cool brides get after the wedding is all said and done. What's the deal with this?!?! I don't get it.

Correction: I didn't get it.

I get it now....

...now that my ends look like this:

Yay! Split ends galore! Source.

and is full of little knots like this:

This is a single strand of hair, gloriously knotted upon itself. Some call them Fairy Knots, I call them *insert expletive here*. Source.

and in the morning, when I look in the mirror and see my hair all over the place, I tend to make this face:

Hair despair. Where is my personal hair stylist when I need them? Oh, right. I'm not rich. Source.

The backstory goes like this:

I have no idea what I want to do with my hair for the wedding but what I do know is that I want it to look awesome and classy and classic and unique and also frame my big round face well. Oh, not to mention, I don't want it to look like it did in my senior prom photos.

So how do I achieve all of that italicized goodness with my hair? No clue. I'm sure it has to involve copious amounts of professional grade hair product, patience, faith, and some damned good styling tools. Hell, not to mention one hell of a talented hair wrangler.

I feel like I'm in trouble.

Big Question: How do I (an italicized I is a way to better convey my cluelessness) actually get started on all this?

Simple Answer: Go on hair hiatus.

Next Question: WTF does that mean?

Explanatory Answer: I do not cut, color, or meaningfully style my hair until the morning of my wedding.

Confused Follow Up Question: Doesn't that mean that your hair will look... um, interesting in the meantime?

Confident Answer: Of course!

So, naturally, I have steeled myself for this:

Just to remind you if you forgot already. Source.

But of course, this all relates to The Big Chop because the only way to really repair split ends is by cutting them off. So now it all makes sense to me. If you go on hair hiatus you will invariably have a nest of split ends on your head that will progressively get worse with time. Thus, after your wedding day professional hair mask has been removed and you return to Earth as a normal person again you will need to cut off the icky hair nest.

I get it now and can't f*ing wait until I can BIG CHOP too.

Your Milestones Must Have Celebrations

One year ago today, Mr. Fox and I were engaged. Interestingly enough, it was him who remembered this fact, not I. Needless to say, I was super impressed to find this out since his memory isn't really the best. This is how the conversation went, over dinner:

Mr. Fox: Did you know that tomorrow is our one year engagement anniversary?
Me: (completely surprised) No, I had completely forgotten! You're right!
Mr. Fox: (triumphantly) See, I remember stuff.
Me: (kind of excited) So we're going to have a date over sushi to celebrate?
Mr. Fox: (a bit hesitantly) Well, I thought about surprising you with that but then I changed my mind.
Me: (excitement gone, expecting a big letdown) Why?
Mr. Fox: (sarcastically) Because we can go grocery shopping and you could always cook instead.

He's romantic, that one. But seriously, sometimes he really is. Especially that time he decided to propose marriage...

We, like many modern long distance couples, had decided to buy the engagement ring together. There would be no little-ring-box-surprise for me. I would not experience that Sex in the City moment where Carrie puked after seeing the ring Aidan had selected for her (in the following video around 2:20).

But I was okay with it. Choosing the ring together meant that I would ultimately get what I wanted... or so I thought.

You see, after many (exhausting) visits to various jewelry stores in the Princeton, NJ area, we still had not found the ring. We were suffering a time crunch, like always, and had to take the hunt on the road. We were going to Chicago for a conference I had helped to organize and decided to stay a few days afterward to enjoy each other and the city. While there, our ring was born and it was a lovely experience. (We'll talk more about that later.)

Having a lovely time! House of Blues, Chicago.

Normal photo, even including a smile. House of Blues, Chicago.

So it was done! We had succeeded! There was a ring! And I was so happy!

Except...

I had to wait.

Mr. Fox had no intention of giving me the ring in Chicago. He just decided it was more fun to watch me squirm knowing that that lovely piece of expensive commitment was in the hotel safe.

For 3 days he was a complete bastard.

Ok, not really. But I was amped! The first day was excruciating, the second day less so, and with the failure to produce a bent knee on the third day, I resigned and we returned to NJ on July 4th.

Things had gone well with our travels and mini-vacation until I arrived to my apartment and had a nasty spat with my sister. I was upset the rest of the night, but fortunately had Mr. Fox to comfort me.

I returned to work the next day leaving Mr. Fox to play house husband and IT technician while I was away. (Sidenote: he is fantastic at both these jobs... too bad I have no desire to be the breadwinner.) When I came home, I asked if he was interested in having sushi for dinner. He agreed, saying "that was my idea."

During dinner, I anxiously watched his hands and any time they dipped below the table, I eagerly anticipated the big reveal. However anxious I was, with each hand dip, I experienced a moment of panic since the all-you-can-eat sushi buffet is not exactly the kind of classy place you want to be the home of your engagement stories and memories. Alas, the sushi dinner date was simple and uneventful.

We returned home to the plans to watch a movie. While I settled on the couch, Mr. Fox disappeared into the bathroom. Nothing abnormal about that. As I searched Netflix for something I felt like watching, Mr. Fox came out of the nether regions of the apartment and sat on the floor in front of me. He seemed a bit out of sorts, his body language was a bit tense.

He asked, "How long have we known each other?"
I responded, ever so technically, "Well, we met in February 2009 when I visited Germany the first time for my assignment so I guess that makes it about 2 years and 5 months. But we've only been dating since April of last year."
He responded, inching a bit closer to me, voice full of emotion, "These past few years have been the happiest of my life."
I could feel his emotion, I started to get emotional myself.
"I would like to continue this happiness for the rest of my life with you as my wife."
I burst into tears. Huge, ugly, gasping tears. I didn't even really hear the rest of what he said. I just saw the little box brought out and opened with the tiny treasure inside. I cried more as he slipped the ring onto my finger. We hugged, we kissed.

And at some point I was able to get it together and say, "I suppose I'm supposed to respond. (Me, the eternal smart ass.) Yes, yes of course I do!"

And that was it! We were engaged!

We rounded out our emotional evening by watching a very fitting movie: a documentary on the Aryan Brotherhood. We're romantics.

You Must Create Your Own Drama

Today I feel like nothing and no one. I have been oozing around my apartment making half-hearted attempts to be productive only to abandon them within minutes for more oozing.

At some point I experienced hunger and oozed to the kitchen to find it dirty and lacking anything I wanted to eat, so I oozed back to the seat in front of my computer. I remembered that I could actually have someone from the outside of my ooze bring me food but then I have no desire for anything that I actually can have delivered. Oh, yeah, that's right... it's because I really have no real feeling for anything right now.

Then ice cream came to mind. Mmmm. (I'm lactose intolerant but willingly suffer for ice cream.) But of course, ice cream is far... it's outside of my ooze zone.

But then I remembered that I had a small pint of Haagen Dazs caramel au beurre salé stashed in the freezer.

Ooze battling fantastic-ness. Source.

I am eating said yumminess right now.

And it is fueling my ability to write.

So what is actually causing all this ooziness? I'm not normally all oozy like this, I suppose you could say I'm a bit depressed. But the truth is...

I'm impatient.

I'm feeling like this because I'm *waiting* for things to be delivered so that I can finish making my wonderful handmade wedding invitations, triumphantly putting them in the mail and sending them out to all the lovely guests who are anxiously awaiting them. (At least I hope they are.)

But today I am making no progress because I have to wait for the post.

So I ooze on... Ooze momentarily suspended by creamy goodness.

Must Have a Visa to Enter

In this post I talked about how Mr. Fox and I made our decision to share a timezone, country, and residence. It was really difficult to decide who would jump the pond and leave their life behind because both of us had very promising careers at the time. But of course security came first, and Mr. Fox definitely had more security in his position than I did. My job was in the research field and was dependent on government funding... all of which is lessening as time goes by. The US government tends not to be very speculative when it comes to scientific research that does not produce hard-and-fast results... quickly. Unfortunately, fusion energy research does not meet that "quickly" requirement. No, my job was not in jeopardy per se, but if I had intended to stay my career path would have been severely limited as the more funding was cut.

But I didn't come here to offer an editorial about government funding... I came to talk about my visa nightmare. Which, of course, has a happy ending.

So after deciding that I was going to be the pond jumper and getting engaged, us Foxes did some pretty intensive research on how exactly to do this the legal way. You see, it wasn't going to be as easy as packing up, getting on a plane, and voila! If I intended to stay in Europe for more than 90 days, I needed a visa.

Our research led us to the long stay visitors' visa. It meant that I could hang out in France for up to one year. According to us, this should have been more than enough time to plan our wedding, get married, and get all settled in together. But thanks to recent reforms put into place by then president Sarkozy, I would have to clear some pretty intense hurdles before enjoying wedded bliss.

First, there were the extraordinary paperwork requirements found on the French Consulate of New York's website. Of course, it was required to present the originals plus one set of copies, all translated into French:

1. application (in French) plus passport photograph
2. valid passport (and copy of identity page, no translation necessary)
3. OFII form (in French)
4. documents proving you actually live in the US (i.e. paystubs for the last 3 months)
5. proof that you can afford to stay in France (i.e. bank statement or proof of income)
6. proof of lodging in France (because tents and park benches are not acceptable living quarters)
7. proof of medical insurance (with specific wording meaning that you are actually covered up to certain amounts while in France)
8. a letter of motivation (why are you going to come and be a loafer in our country for up to one year?)
9. a written attestation that you will not seek or accept paid employment while loafing in France

Heavy.

Most of the requirements were not terribly difficult. I had my own personal translator in Mr. Fox for the forms that were in French and was able to find a professional (read: accredited and certified) translator through the Consulate website (here). We had a few hiccups with the proof of lodging since I would be officially staying with Papa and Maman Fox and I would not be able to provide a lease agreement. The answer to that was to get an attestation from Papa Fox that I would be welcomed into their home and then provide proof that they owned the home. That was the other hiccup. They had their house built many, many years ago and did not have a property deed or anything like that (things were simpler back then... and actually continue to stay simpler than the US). Tax forms did not cut it, so the Elders Fox had to consult their notaire (kind of a lawyer, more of a solicitor (definitions 2 and 3)) in order to get a legal document made up stating that they actually owned their home. Not terribly difficult, just something unforeseen that had to be done.

Additionally, since I would be leaving my job, I would no longer have health insurance. Mr. Fox to the rescue again! He had previously used a travel insurance company called April International to insure his many voyages across the Atlantic and they also provided the exact coverage someone like me would need.

Armed with all my completed documents, translations, and copies painstakingly organized with paper clips and post-it notes, I nervously went to my appointment at the French Consulate of New York's Visa Office... juste a côté de Central Park. (Those fancy, fancy French!)

Location, Location, Must Have Location

So in this post I discussed the painstaking decision making process Mr. Fox and I went through in order to choose on which side of the Atlantic we would be celebrating our union. Unfortunately, cash flow and convenience were the ultimate criteria determining the location. Weddings are already crazy expensive, so if we were going to be spending oodles of money it should be convenient for us, right???

Thus, Montargis, France is the place where Mr. Fox and I will complete the journey to becoming The Foxes for life. It's the hometown of Mr. Fox, and both his mother and father were born there. It's a quaint little French town, about 100 miles south of Paris with roughly 20,000 residents. And it is utterly adorable.

Canal in Montargis, France. I can't say no to that!

But of course we had another challenge presented to us with this pick: there are precious few locations in the region to host a party the size of ours. After all the children and partners were added to the invitee list, we had a grand total of 152 eating, drinking, laughing, loving souls (including us). It's a pretty big party. So our venue search began.

The parents of Mr. Fox are retired (thanks to lovely French laws) and super helpful. I'm sure they started looking for wedding venues once they were informed that we were discussing marriage. They are really excited. *big smile* Papa and Maman Fox had a list of venues for us to visit upon my arrival as Newly Expatriated Fox back in October.

Act I: The Normality of Pannes

We visited the first location in Pannes, France suggested by Maman Fox because she had previously attended a wedding held there. The place was cute, but nothing special. It was the type of space that would host the local children's choir recital or the volunteer firefighter's fundraiser:

Salle de fêtes in Pannes. Complete with stage and heavy, red velvet curtain. Cute, no?

Though the place came complete with tables and chairs (at no additional cost), I just couldn't see myself asking my guests to travel countless hours across the world to sit for hours in these:

Creepy plastic chairs. Photo is appropriately shadowed and blurry to convey the discomfort my butt felt at the prospect of spending a large amount of time crammed into such a thing.

The price was right, but the venue was not. When I saw the place, my first thought was that this place was not special. Cute, but not special. If I was going to put my loved ones through the hassle of international travel I wanted them to have an experience. This cute little space could have been in Anywhere, USA for all the pictures would show.

Plus, I needed something more. I needed something French.

Act II: Finding something typically French

I never really dreamed about France before actually setting foot in Europe. But once there, I found it romantic. I find it dramatic. I feel its passion.

So I wanted something that was romantic, dramatic, and passionate. I mean, I'm getting married in France. Normal banquet hall was not going to cut it.

I wanted a château.

Château de Sully-sur-Loire. Real castle. It's even got a moat. Source.

But the Loiret region is a bit short on châteaus for normal people to rent. It's full of the châteaus that are actually castles. And those are sooooo not in the budget.

Château de Chamerolles in Chilleurs-aux-Bois. It's now a perfume museum. Source.

One of the Foxy aunties came to the rescue. She found this:

Vintage postcard of the Château de la Fontaine. Source.

I was in love.

I had to have it. We made an appointment straightaway to visit. And let me tell you...

It is as good in real life as it is on that gorgeous postcard from the past.

But there were a few snags: 

1. Our party was too big to actually use the château itself so we had to settle for the ecuries (stables). It's not as bad as it sounds:

Horses used to sleep here. They were lucky horses.

Inside... Cleans up nice, doesn't she? Source.

2. The venue was booked. Really, really booked. We wanted to have our religious ceremony as close to the date of our Civil Union as possible. Unfortunately, this was not possible. The dates available to us in 2012 were the first weekend in April, one weekend mid-August, the end of September, and most of October. Of course, if we were patient enough to wait for 2013 we could have almost any date we wanted.

But I had to have it.

And it had to be in 2012.

Of course, she was a bit out of budget, but I was compelled. There were too many pluses. She fit the bill so well! And we would be able to have the entire property to ourselves for the entire weekend. It comes complete with a little house for children to play and sleep in (for those who cannot hang the whole night). It has two guest houses that can accommodate up to 24 persons, complete with kitchens. It had copious amounts of parking. 

And plus, we can always spend a little less on flowers and decorations to try to make up the difference.

So after much discussion with Mr. Fox, we went for it! We decided to take a weekend in mid-October and hope for good weather so we could enjoy the whole area. 

Château de la Fontaine was just too good to pass up!!!

Vous Devez Faire Connaissance

Translation: You Must Get Acquainted

Since the age of 18 I have been sort of a nomad. I left my family, friends and all that I knew in Colorado and ran far, far away to attend college in Washington, DC. During the years I was in DC, I moved yearly from dorm to dorm as the Office of Residence Life (aka Housing) dictated, my poorly forwarded mail trying to keep up. After a bit of a breakdown, I decided that I had had enough of college and returned to my beloved mountains for a summer that turned into 2 years. When I had had enough of my "break" (I like to refer to it as My Sabbatical in order to downplay the fact that I randomly dropped out for 2 years) I went back to DC to finish school. Once I received my degree I moved to New Jersey for a job. That job took me all over the country and eventually to Germany, where I met Mr. Fox (go, go frequent flyer miles!). And now I am with my Foxy man in Europe... continuing the nomadism together.

Of course in between all the packing and taping and storing of stuff I managed to make some friends. Lots of them. And in spite of my tendency to be a wandering star, some of them stuck.

But through this constant moving around I have realized that I am terrible at keeping in touch with people (which I wrote about here). e.g. I'll get an email or a card or (long ago) a letter and I'd read it and smile and feel all warm and loved inside. Then I'd make a mental note to respond in kind.

And then I'd forget.

But since I keep everything... I'd run across said item months or years later and feel guilty for not responding and then make another mental note to write the person-in-question and play catch up.

And of course I'd forget again.

However, some of these people still love me and so I invited them to the wedding.

I invited friends from all the different stages in my life. Plenty of them will not make it because it is expensive. Several of them will. And for those that will, it's obvious but...

They may not know anyone else besides me.

Nobody really wants to be the party loner at a wedding. Source.

So actually I have realized that for some this will also be a deterrent.


Enter Facebook.

Blah, blah, blah Facebook. Source.

I hate Facebook. It has not made me better at sharing, it has made me worse (damned lack of privacy). But now is not the time to rant about social media, it is the time to embrace and celebrate it. Because, guess what?

Lots of the friends that still love me are on the dreaded FB. So I created an event for them to be able to virtually meet each other and network for finding travel and party buddies. Sometimes I'm clever.

Social media to the rescue, right?

Ideas Must Have A Birthplace

Currently, I am in France with my in-laws, learning French and being away from Mr. Fox (I whined talked about this here, and here, and here). Recently, I was in Orléans completing my full day French civic training or la formation civique where I got the in-a-nutshell version of French history and was introduced to the French constitution and civil rights documents. It was heavy. I also am taking French lessons for 3 hours a day, 4 days per week in order to prepare for the DILF A1.1 exam in June. Aside from all that, I have no regular contact with anyone who speaks English with any fluency.

Needless to say, I am distracted.

But distraction cannot stop me for I have less than 6 months to get all this wedding stuff together. Yet, in spite of the need for speed, I am plumb out of ideas. Well, this is not true. Actually the problem is that my ideation process is interrupted by, well, French. So I decided that I should take this French thing by the horns and use it to my advantage.

Enter: French bridal magazines.

My collection of French Bridal magazines. Please ignore the rumpled comforter underneath. I've been busy.

Malheureusement, or unfortunately, my level of French isn't good enough to really understand the lovely articles inside. However, pictures speak a universal language. So I flipped through each one of these lovely periodicals and tore out the pages containing pictures that I found inspiring. Afterward, I took my handy dandy hole puncher and punched! some! holes! in said inspiring pics and put them in my wedding binder (which I fought against starting for so long).

So now I've got a bunch more ideas. Which is good. Yet...

I really need to focus on invitations now.

(insert the procrastinator's theme here... oh wait, they didn't make one yet)

Must Have: Creativity Envy

I am in France, learning French, supposedly 4 days a week for 3 hours a day, 9am to 12pm. Unfortunately, the teacher has interviews to conduct on 2 Tuesday mornings of every month, so that means I am left with an extra day off twice a month. Today is one of those extra days. And what do I do with my borrowed time, you may (or may not) ask?

I cruise the internet, aimlessly wandering from idea to idea.

But of course it's all wedding related, right?

Sure it is!

So this morning I stumbled upon yet *another* super adorable wedding. But though the wedding was cute and I liked it a lot, the real crush envy that I am feeling is for the following video Save-the-Date:

I especially love the story of this couple since I can sympathize. Mr. Fox and I also spent a dreadedly difficult period in a loooong distance relationship. (Though not as LD as Singapore to the US. Hats off to Steve and Sheralyn for making their long LDR work!)

This chick spent an awesome amount of time creating this fantastic piece of lovely. I so wish I had the fantastic creativity (and cotton ball stash) to do something so freaking cool!

You Must Have Lost Your Mind

I saw this today while checking my junk email account:

Do you see the tube coming out of her nose? It's a feeding tube. Source.

No, it's not a story about a terminally ill woman and her trials and tribulations. It's about women who need to lose weight in order to fit into their dream wedding dresses. 

Are they out of their (insert multiple expletives here) minds?!?! 

I can understand wanting to lose weight for you wedding but this goes overboard. And I thought Bridal Bootcamp was nuts! (which I ranted about here)

It's just sad. The wedding is ONE DAY. Of course there will be a bajillion photos of us in that ever-so-special dress and yes we want to remember it for the rest of our lives but HELL... this is just too extreme. 

Honestly, I too have trouble getting my butt out of the chair and onto the treadmill, but hey, I've still got control over what goes into my mouth. So yeah, if you can't lose those last 10 pounds before the wedding, uh, just stop and think. It might be what you're eating.

You Must Eat Your Head Off

Forty eight to fifty percent of your budget should be slated for the reception, says The Knot's nice little budget starting helper (I talked about it here). That's huge. But we have to remember that the reception is the biggest part of the wedding. It's the part where we get to enjoy our guests, we really get to celebrate our transition into our new life, and of course, everyone is fed. Now that last one is the part that really drives the cost. Of course we can have a huge cost for location rental, tables and chairs, and decorations and such, but in the end it's really the food and the booze that makes up that 48-50%.

And it will be especially true for the upcoming Fox wedding. Hell, maybe we'll end up spending more than that. Our reception is likely to be our budget buster. (Which I suppose is normally the case unless a bride must have a $10,000 dress or something like that.)

Why?

Well here's why: Mr. Fox is French. It's a bit of a challenge for me that he is French because I am half Guamanian.

Yup it is. Source.

So quick geography lesson: Guam is the southern-most and largest of the Marianas Islands in the South Pacific Ocean near the Philippines.

Where you can find the tiny island of Guam. Source.

It's shaped like this:

Similar to the shape of New Jersey, but I promise that the weather is better and the people are naturally tan. Source.

Some of my best memories from childhood center around the different fiestas we attended for Guam Liberation Day or Christmas. Without a doubt, the best part of the fiestas was the food. Guamanians favor the buffet style when it comes to serving large parties and we tend to cater our own, a la potluck. 

So one thing I always expected to have when I got married was a traditional Chamorro (Guamanian) potluck dinner. We'd have things like:

Tatiyas (y pronounced like j). Mmm.

Chicken Kelaguen. Yummy yum!

Lumpia. Extra fried yum.

Finadene. Lots of syllables. Dip here.

Red Rice. Regular rice made red.

Pancit: it's spaghetti for Guamanians.

And of course, Chamorro people sweating over a hot grill.

But unfortunately I am not acquainted with any Guamanian people within at least a thousand mile radius. So if someone were to provide all these dishes for the wedding it would be ME and I'm pretty sure I will not have the time to whip up all that goodness. Thus, I have (gladly) acquiesced to Mr. Fox's professional French desires for a super-fancy-sit-down-dinner and its associated cost. 

On the bright side, at least my wedding dress won't smell like barbecue!

I Must Freak Out Regularly

Yep that's right. I freaked out... again.

Yesterday was Friday the 13th.

Source.

But that's not important.

Actually, the thing that is important is that yesterday we cruised past the

"6 Months To Go"

marker. Just cruised by (insert whooshing sound), without a care in the world (whee!!!)... except for trying to fulfill the requirements that let me stay in Europe, learning French vite, vite, vite, and trying to avoid being down because I'm away from Mr. Fox (sad face here).

Needless to say, I'm distracted.

So it's not surprising that a little prompt from a buddy-turned-wedding-invitee by email completely turned my world upside down for a moment. Tick, tick, tick. Time is certainly flying by.

Yes, I know hourglasses do not tick. I just like them lots and lots and this one is purty. Source.

Must Have: A Wedding Crush

I am a habitual crusher. I have been my whole life. My high school (and even middle school) days were full of crushes. Those pointless kind where you obsessively like a boy for 3 days just because he said something funny and it was actually TO you (or maybe just in your general direction, but at 14 it's all the same). So it's no surprise that my tendency toward crushiness has continued on to this day. But instead of boys I'm crushing on (Mr. Fox is all the boy man I need), it's weddings. And this is the wedding I've got a crush on:

Of course I was not searching YouTube for wedding videos. I actually found this bride and her wedding through their blog when I was looking for customizable invitation ideas on Wedding Bee. I really liked the invitations she put together with the help of nothing more than a cheap Epson printer, great ideas and love. I loved the way Mrs. Apple Cider described her invitation making process, including her cost breakdown. I loved all the little personal details she put into them. I loved how she really let her personality shine and was able to make the post so warm and friendly. And I voraciously read every single post on her blog. 

And it made me want my wedding to be like hers.

Well, no, not exactly like hers. She had a rustic, outdoor wedding at a vineyard. Mine won't be any of that. She had a custom made dress. I bought mine at the largest bridal retail chain in the US. She DIY'd everything. And that's actually where our two weddings will be similar (I hope… especially since I tend to be optimistic).

Your Memories Must Be Captured... Professionally

Mr. Fox must have been a Japanese tourist in his former life. He has this camera:

Mr. Fox's Memory Box. Source.

...and he takes it everywhere. It doesn't matter if we've been there four times before ...in the same week, he wants to document the experience and keep track of our "memories". But what this really means is that pictures of him, if they exist, look like this:

Mr. Fox: Self Portrait, hard at work.

Fox derrieres in Times Square. Mr. Fox is taking photos, of course.

...and pictures of me, of which there are copious amounts, tend to turn into this:

I wasn't mad, I was simply letting my inner artist free.

Of course I want to look nice in the pictures and smile for the camera, but that really only works the first 8 times or so. After that you tend to get a bit, uh... creative.

But I'm not complaining (Though I suppose I'm ranting just a bit).

Yet in spite of Mr. Fox's obsession (yes, obsession) with capturing "the moment" on film, in actuality, he had to be convinced about hiring a wedding photographer.

You heard me right: Convinced.

And it was a hard sell. A really, really difficult one. (Yet still easier than the whole golf cart thing.) He didn't understand why we needed to pay someone to take photos when we had so many friends with cool cameras. His reasoning was that there would be like 400 shots per minute taken during the event due to the plethora of cameras our guests would have. How could we possibly need anything more? Especially if the service is going to cost more than €700. In his mind €700 was more than enough to pay for a photographer. He didn't get why any of them were priced higher. Honestly, I would have loved it if we could spend this (relatively) small amount of money and get great photos. But it just wasn't going to happen, as our search concluded.

Between the two of us, we received 8 offers from various photographers from the Loiret Region marriage guide and various internet searches. They were all in French. They were all vastly different. We sat down together and attempted to make a comparison. (What this really means is that Mr. Fox sat down to read the offers and I went to the various websites to view their digital goods.) These were our conclusions:

• It was impossible to do an apples-to-apples comparison of these things
• French wedding photographers favor the risque
• French wedding photographers are overwhelmingly male
• Price means absolutely nothing compared to quality

It felt like we were making very little forward progress. What now? Let it marinate and move on to other things.

In the meantime, I grazed wedding blogs, like you tend to do when you're planning a wedding, and I struck gold!!! One of my faves, Parisian Party, put up this little tidbit of lovely: Barbie and Ken's REAL French Wedding. When I saw this I simply fell in love. The quality of the photos was fantastic. The details were just too good. And it was freaking Barbie and Ken. What little girl who played with these dolls didn't try to do the wedding thing?!?!

I immediately hunted down the photographer on the net and combed her website to see if this one photo shoot was too good to be true. But it wasn't. (insert dance of joy)

So I sent a request for an offer and crossed my fingers, toes, eyes, and anything else that I could, waiting for her reply. And guess what?

She's within our budget!!!

Source.

You Must Have A Teaser

Today I am going to bed a very, very pleased bride-to-be. I'll give you a short update since I'm completely bushed.

Mr. Fox and I started our day super early (5am... we're ambitious I told you) so that we could meet with our photographer candidate. We took a 4-hour, morning commuter traffic-filled drive around Paris to meet our PC in Rouen at 11am. Afterwards, we turned around and took an almost equally long drive back to Montargis to pick up Papa and Maman Fox for a trek to the outskirts of Gien to pick up the items for our degustation.

It has been a long day. More updates soon, but in the meantime, I'll leave you with this teaser:

The lovely boxes (and platter) that housed the wonderfulness that is now in my belly and will soon be turned into fat cells that I will have to work off before the wedding.

Bonne nuit!

We've Gotta Pack It All In!

I'm in France, all properly moved in to my new-ish digs with the inlaws. Mr. Fox will be here with me to ease the transition until early next week when I start my French lessons. In the meanwhile, we are going to be super productive for wedding stuff. This week we are going to:

• meet the photographer whose work I'm in love with
• complete a tasting with the caterer who best fits our criteria
• sample wines to complement our menu
• price wedding bands
• contact possible musicians and DJs for the reception
• visit the reception venue again to map out details for decor
• get preliminary pricing for floral arrangements
• arrange and meet with the priest who will officiate the ceremony
• check out the gigantic party store for decoration ideas
• do a wedding hairstyle trial run

Basically, we're going to try to get in a bit of everything since we've been pretty lax with the planning thus far. But mostly we want to get a real handle on the big money items because I need to know how much I can spend on the fun stuff like DIY decorations! Wish us luck. We're ambitious. 

I Must Have Had A Wedding Pseudo-Nightmare

Yep. You heard me right. I had a pseudo wedding nightmare. Why a pseudo nightmare? Mostly because I did not wake up in a cold sweat screaming. It wasn't that bad (depending on what you personally find to be a nightmare in wedding planning gone wrong). I'll share what I do remember... but I apologize in advance for things that don't quite make sense. It's a dream, remember?

It was the morning of my wedding. I was preparing myself the way you normally would for a day of such gravity. After I was done, I got into the car with one of my bridesmaids to go to the church. Once we arrived, I remembered that I had forgotten my engagement ring (this actually did happen to me for our real life civil ceremony) and we needed to go back. We had a brief discussion about if I really needed the ring and the time it would take, blah blah blah, but we did go back.

(fast forward through things I do not remember as more than a blur)


Then I for some reason needed to change the bridesmaid line up. Somebody needed to be added but did not have a dress (completely bizarre considering it was the day of). So we went to a place like Nordstrom. And I remember my mobile phone was acting up. I had sent text messages to my other bridesmaids but received two responses that could not be read due to "network traffic" (this could be carry over from my game's traffic issues this past week).

While the BM I was with was trying on her dresses, I was checking myself out in the mirror. I remember the dress being cream-colored, form-fitting, and lacy. I remember it looked d*mn sexy on me! But then I panicked because you could see the sexy black undergarments I had on underneath. Big wedding dress no-no. So I had to get home so I could change into some nude-colored undies.

We eventually got back to my place and while I was rooting around looking for undies that were not only nude but also in the correct size (for some reason there were like 3 different sizes in the drawer). I looked over at the clock on the nearby table and noticed it was 8:47pm. I was like, "Oh no! We'll never get married today! Look at the time!" So nude undies found, I went tearing through my room looking for the documents we would need to authorize (yes, authorize) a marriage the next day since we probably would not manage to get it done today.

And then I was woken up by the reverse gear beeping of the Sperrmüll truck outside. Thank goodness!

So what did we learn, folks? We learned that I need to remember:

1. NO black undies
2. Make sure all bridesmaids are on MY schedule and not adding folks at the last minute
3. I apparently look sexy in cream lace (maybe in the future, but not today)
4. Make a packing list for the day of so as not to forget the important things (again)
5. Call people if your text messages go through
6. Beware of 8:47pm!

Have you had a pre-wedding dream? Did you learn anything from it?

You Must Be Bridled by Your Bridal Regime

I read wedding blogs. Yes, I know. Don't laugh! Honestly, when you are planning a wedding and have no idea, Google is your best friend. And oh boy does your new bestie know lots of new places for you to find a million ideas, help you obsess about things you didn't know existed before, and of course, aid you in tremendous losses of time. (Insert endless cache of bridal blogs out there.)

Of course, one thing that keeps coming up as a blog topic is the "Bridal Regime." You know what I'm talking about. The I'm-changing-how-I-eat-and-wash-my-face-and-sleep-and-work-out-because-I'm-getting-married-in-X-amount-of-months regime.

This bride does not look as horrified as I feel knowing this really exists. Source.

And, sadly, I get it.

I get the desire to be the most beautiful that you can be on the day that you cross over into the great forever with the one person who makes you complete. I get the need to be gorgeous and perfect in the costly photos that you will show to your children and children's children (and anyone else who will be gracious enough to look). I completely understand that it is the one day in your life where you get to be a real princess and everyone loves you and (pretty genuinely) oohs and ahhs over how wonderful you look. I really feel it that you want to feel perfect. I do.

But...

I get sad when there are girls like me (read: Plus Sized or Full Figured or Husky or Whatever Other Supposedly "Feel Good" Euphemism people tend to use in order not to say fat) who are torturing themselves to fit an unrealistic stereotype of the "Perfect Bride." I mean, that person to whom you are engaged loved you when they asked you to marry them and you were not the stereotypical "perfect" then and they still loved you enough to want to do forever together.

(I will now step down from my soapbox.)

But this is about me. And yes, I'd love to be a size 4 on my wedding day. I know it will not happen. I'm trying to minimize the cost of wedding day flowers, so I just cannot afford that much lipo. Instead, I am using my wedding as a way to reinforce the lifestyle changes I engaged in last April because I want to be healthier, live longer, and enjoy life more... even after the wedding.

I'm eating more of these. Lots more. They are really, really yummy. Source.

I have to keep in mind that there's a lot more life after the wedding and it's called marriage. And looking perfect in my wedding dress does not guarantee marriage will be better than if I looked a little less perfect. My Bridal Regime is really just the beginning of a Lifestyle Regime.


On the flip side, there are plenty of brides who are completely comfortable with themselves and are changing not. a. thing. for their wedding days. I appreciate this immensely. So if you're one of those, have another cookie for me and keep loving you for you because that's just great.

This Wedding Planning Show Must Go On the Road

Like I explained in this post yesterday, I will be temporarily moving in with my inlaws next week. After the initial freak out of having to separate from Mr. Fox after only 5 months of being physically together, I began to make a list of the things I will need to keep this wedding planning show going.

Before I began making my packing list I thought, "Oh, no big deal. I'll only have to take a few things," and Mr. Fox thought, "I don't know if the car is big enough." Oh, that contrary Mr. Fox!

Well, the list making began steadily enough: clothes, toiletries, shoes.

I cannot honestly say that I have never had this experience. Source.

Then it hit me that I would be away during the time that I had allotted for my invitation creation (since we I have decided that it will be more cost effective to make the invitations. I mean it's just paper, right?). The list then had to include: printer, paper samples, paper cutter. But then I remembered that I wanted to make a custom stamp for all our custom stationery and the list grew to accommodate: my box of random crafting things (it's almost impossible to list all the stuff inside). Oh! And I can't forget the list of things that I was going to order to do trials for various decorations.

But then I also had to remember that I'm recommitting myself to my plant strong eating plan and will need my blender for green smoothies. And that the smoothies will need to be portable so I will need to bring my smoothie cups. Also the smoothie cups will need straws and special cleaning tools to get in all the nooks and crannies and ginger and frozen fruits and and and...

And of course I started to freak out... once more.

Mr. Fox to the rescue! He brings with him his engineer-y-ness and a calendar. Since he works in Germany, there are an a**load of vacation days in April and May. So he sits down with me and my hyperventilating self and illustrates how we will not be apart for three whole months like before, we will only be apart for, at max, three short weeks at a time.

(insert my dance of happiness and return to calm)

Snoopy's a better dancer than me. Source.

Now calm again, I was able to return to list making.

Mr. Fox may have been right about the car not being big enough. (But don't tell him that.)